Truthfully speaking.. I miss the old me!
Probably, not many people know that I’m struggling with mental illness: depression to be exact. Not about to point that out, now.. Well, I just miss “the former me”—when everything feels so easy to be handled.
In everyone’s life, there comes a stage when you miss the way you used to be. If you ask me about someone I miss, it’s the old version of me.
I miss how easily I used to sleep without any issues popping through my mind–just let things be and went with the flow.
I miss the feeling that there’s no need to prove to anyone what I become–which other’s opinions did not matter at all for me.
I miss the “chill” me who was full of inner peace and did not feel like drowning in my own ocean of thoughts.
I miss the way I did not care with anything when things were not going right.
So, where did that person go? How could I know?
Time changes, so do I…
I know exactly when I let myself down. The moments when I was drowning in the living-sand and felt so hard for me to pull through all those dreadful days.
If I could say things to myself now, I am really sorry that I let myself seal the wounds of everyone else whilst my own were bleeding. There were days when smiling hurt but I was forced to laugh so that no one had to worry.
But anyhow, I should count my blessings for what it has been through.
Dear me.. Thank you for surviving the turmoil, for not breaking every time hurricanes of emotions blew the walls down. I wanna applaud me for not giving up on myself when I feel like something is sucking the soul out of my body.
Then to the future time being, I hope that I love me more since I deserve to be loved by me.
I miss my old me, but I need to live in the moment. Although I might be in despair, I need to embrace all flaws that I have–past, present, and also might be in the future.